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Posts Tagged ‘pigs’

Today, whilst roaming the archives of random internet articles, I came across a gem.

Believe me, it’s  a gem.

It was entitled “Marriage in the Suburbs”. How can the suburbs be bad?

I clicked.

It was bad, very, very bad.

People?

Did you know there is a website called Ashley Madison that, in fact, promotes an affair between two “attached but looking for male/female relationship”.

For only 49 bucks a month you too can have the affair of your dreams. AND if you’re not feeling real “lucky” for 249 you can get yourself a guarantee that if you don’t get “lucky” you get your money back.

Well isn’t that just swell of them!

Of course I did the mature and responsible thing… I went to the website.

Everyone on there made it VERY clear they were very happy in their marriages, but they just weren’t feelin’ the love at home. HOWEVER, they were only looking for fun and had not intention of leaving their partner.

Can we guess how this would end?

A man and a woman find each other, enter into their torrid affair and then one wants to stay in the marriage while the other romanticizes how their affair is truly the stuff novels are made of and how “Twilight” ain’t got nothin’ on them.

Oh the stories they would tell their grandchildren about how Mema and Papa met and fell in love. Ah me…

Then the little love bubble is popped, she turns out to be an attention seeking poodle, he turns into a cuddle-phobe who preferred comfortability and started to remind her of her husband, someone gets hurt, tires are slashed.

The stuff novels are made of.

SIGH

So anyways, I, upon farther investigation, have determined there are far too many “doctors” who are just waiting to take care of their soon to be little love muffin in my general area.

GAG

Also?

I really wanna know who has time for an affair?

I’m serious.

‘Cause if your looking for an ATTACHED momma of two, who hasn’t washed her hair in two days, really needs to think about shaving under her arms, just snarffed down a handful of salt-n-vinegar chips with no intention of brushing her teeth until bed, and really should think about finding a different pair of sweat pants…

Then slap my bottom and call me Lola.

You can find me hiding from the ankle bitters in the mountain of laundry encompassing my couch.

And also,

Ashley Madison is a man.

Just thought I would let you know.

As always, you are welcome.

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