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Posts Tagged ‘Children’

So I’ve returned.

Excited?

I can tell.

We’ve been busy. REAL busy.

Like we’ve been potty training.

Don’t get too excited. Potty training consists of Robbie shoving his hand in the toilet and then into his mouth all while I try not to throw up.

No, I’m not pregnant.

We also went camping and I learned I have a secret.

I will share when I am ready.

No, I’m not pregnant.

We’ve been trying to buy a house.

And by trying I mean we live on a hundred dollars trying to sock away enough for the down payment and the 7 thousand dollars that follows for the “extras”.

We really need the extra room. Like REALLY need it!

No, I’m not pregnant.

We cut Liams hair.

It was getting scraggly and the child is going through early onset male patterned baldness.

Makes me sad he’s growing up so fast.

He’s growing up so much faster than Robbie and with Robbie I knew early on that I would have another one to enjoy soon.

THIS TIME I DON’T!

Let me clarify,

I AM NOT PREGNANT.

 

This blog posting has been written for my father. The man who continues to insist I am pregnant again. No Dad, I’m not pregnant I’m just fat. Thanks 🙂

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Things I have learned while having a newborn and a 12-month-old.

1. Toddler fingers can find the soft spot on top of a newborns head in approximately 2.4 seconds upon meeting their new sibling.

2. Takes me 1.5 seconds to fall over and assume the fetal position from said toddler fingers finding the soft spot and poking it.

3. Apparently eyeballs are extractable in the mind’s eye of a 1-year-old.

4. Newborns are forcibly made to watch scenes from the exorcist while in utero. I have no other explanation for the projectile vomiting. The kid has talent.

5. When one cries the other takes it as a sign of competition and must out cry the other one. No one has won; we are all losing.

6. Newborns are exceptional at pooping 4.9 seconds after the completion of a diaper change.

7. 1-year-olds are exceptional at pooping 4.9 seconds after the completion of a diaper change.

8. Moms are exceptional at not wanting to change said diapers– I do it anyways.

9. Neither can sleep in their own beds. They insist on sleeping in mine. Dr. Spock just rolled over in his grave.

And lastly…

10. I don’t mind the bed hogging. Because honestly? I’m on cuteness overload! SIGH

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I feel like I have nothing to say today.

Strange.

I always have something to say…

Well, I’ve been basically talking to myself for the past hour and a half.

I keep texting my husband while he’s at work.

You know, deep, thought-provoking things such as;

“I’m hungry and there’s nothing to eat”

Let me decode that for you.

“I’m hungry and I don’t care if we just went grocery shopping, all the stuff here I have to make! Furthermore, why the heck aren’t you here to make it for me?!?!?”

or

” I was looking at clothes online, but my mom says I should go through her closet before I buy anything”

Decoding…

“I know you’re going to read that text she sent me and, don’t get me wrong, I will be rifling through her closet once this baby is out, but don’t you think for one second that means your off the hook on the new clothes business!”

and my personal favorite

“Why is it raining?!?! It’s supposed to rain all this week! Doesn’t the rain know I have big plans to walk spawn #2 out?!?!? Doesn’t this weather get that I’ve got to get this baby out some how?!?!”

Translation:

“You suck, you did this to me, I blame you for, not only, this everlasting pregnancy, but also for the weather”.

 

For the life of me, I just can’t figure out why he’s not texting me back…

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